The logical reasons I don't celebrate Christmas

At the time of writing this, there is a mere 2 full days remaining until Christmas day, an inescapable part of living in the UK (and many other nations) outside of complete isolationism. A time constantly heralded as the greatest time of the year, at least according to the innumerable barrage of platitudes that accompany it; Wishing it could be Christmas every day, joy and goodwill to all men and all similar hum-buggery.

I would be lying if I said I didn't get it, I used to celebrate it with as much vigor as anyone else, it was also tangential to my favourite time of year (November, when I was born). But there has simply been too much negativity around this time for me to continue enjoyment during it. What I have listed below, and my choice of words for the title, are strictly logical and empirical reasons for not celebrating the holiday, but they are definitely not the only reasons, but the personal, emotional reasons aren't being made public any time soon. These reasons should be applicable in a more objective level.

I want to stress this before continuing; if you enjoy Christmas, if you love it earnestly and its your favourite time of the year, then that is wonderful and I am happy for you. Moreover, I am somewhat jealous, I wish I could find such enjoyment in this time, but it's something I can't help at this point. It is my least favourite time of the year, and given the opportunity, I'd skip December altogether.

1. Santa Claus

Bet you didn't see that one coming, what could I possibly have a problem with jolly old saint Nick? The loveable man who spends one day per year riding a magic sleigh to deliver presents to children around the world. Oh boy, where does one begin?

Partially based off of Saint Nicholas, a man from what we now would call Demre, Turkey, who would place coins into the shoes of children who left their shoes out at night for him. It's a simple charming fable about giving, and that would be the end of it. But that's not the reflection our modern interpretation takes.

Santa Claus is a man who lives at the North Pole, in some secluded fortress, often times with his wife, and always with a huge cast of worker elves, who make all the presents. I can't be the only person who doesn't see this as an allegory for slavery, perhaps we need a little reminder.

This is a picture from Holiday Hi-Jynx, an old episode of Pokémon that caused quite a stir when it first came out. I still remember it quite well, as my Grandma recorded the show for me. A Jynx (Right) had gotten lost while polishing Santa's boot, and it was up to Ash and co to help return her to Santa's workshop. Upon arriving at the north pole, they encounter a large room filled with Jynx making toys.

For those of you who don't see the implications here, I will point out the obvious, Jynx's skin was black. A rich white man was the master of a group of black people, and keeps them in sweatshops for his work. They get no holidays, they get no rights, they can't even voice complaints because they speak in a language unintelligible to their slave master (stay classy Nintendo). Responding to the controversy, Jynx now has a purple skin colour.

But does this really fix anything, or does it merely colour the issue? (hur hur)

Ignoring the awkward resemblance classic Jynx has to a golliwog doll, it was a rather accurate retelling of modern understandings of Santa's relationship to the elves. Santa Claus' modern name is taken from the Dutch Sinterklaas, who had a companion named Zwarte Piet, or rather, Black Pete.

Sinterklaas and Zwarte Piet are still commonplace in many European country's winter holidays, so Nintendo might have attempted to adapt this story, coming off with horribly (through probably unintentionally) racist results. But what Nintendo DID do here was just be more upfront about it, Santa gains all the glory for the work of the oppressed workforce, is a rich white man of glutenous wealth and is celebrated as a champion of good?

Ever likely he's a Coca cola mascot.

Holidays are coming, Holidays are coming, and now it's in your head

2. Commercialism

Yep, you saw this one coming.

Consumer culture has been something that has bugged me more and more as the years have gone on. This bizarre notion that all things can be tied to a single monetary value system seems laughable, but on the same point I can see why it exists. Simple explanation is it's easy, having a common currency makes transactions easier, hence why I was in favour of the idea of the Euro, and to a similar extent the bitcoin.

However, the ending months of the year go full throttle with this mentality of "You must buy everything, it's Christmas".

Gotta buy a tree, it's Christmas.
Gotta buy a turkey, it's Christmas.
Gotta buy Christmas lights
Gotta buy Cards
Gotta buy Christmas Crackers
Gotta buy Presents for every single relative
Gotta buy Tinsel and Baubles
Gotta buy that little manger to show there's some religion still in there and we're not all about the gifts

What baffles me about this is a complete lack of resistance from people, often any rebuttal about Christmas consumerism is "I suppose you don't want any presents then?". Well not if you feel like its an obligation and a hassle, no!

The "season of giving" is simply a season of gratuitous spending, advertising everywhere and the worst of humanity go shopping. I wish I didn't have to do this sort of thing, but look at this.

http://blackfridaydeathcount.com/

This is a website dedicated to people who die and are injured on Black Friday. What is Black Friday you ask? well, my fellow non-Americans, it's the day after USA's Thanksgiving holiday. It is signified by ridiculous deals, and people flooding to the stores, snatching up everything their disgusting mitts can hold.

I can't be the only person who considers this utterly disgusting, and this is a yearly event! People look forward to this day! Why? Because of getting amazing deals, and you can bet your bottom dollar that a large percentage of things bought this day are for Christmas, less than a month after this day. Not that any company would object to this kind of thing, they love this sort of scandalous, frivolous and dangerous activity, just more money entering their pockets and more advertising from people like me trying to stop this sort of behaviour, oh how ironic.

3. Attitude

A long time ago, there was once a man named Jeremy Bentham (pictured above), who is accredited for the formation of a system of morality known as Utilitarianism, an attempt to make a scientific basis for morality, being thus. Humanity is ruled by two sovereign masters, pleasure and pain, and to be moral, we must try to maximize pleasure for the most people, and minimize pain for the most people.

So far, this all sounds somewhat agreeable, until you hear about his plans for the homeless. He suggested that when people see homeless people, it lowered their utility (or Happiness level), and so we should hide away homeless people. There should be special workshops for them to work and sleep in, and if anybody spots a homeless person, it would be their civic duty to bring the person to a nearby workshop for employment and be compensated for their efforts (which the homeless person must pay off).

While I hope this is at least a little interesting, I'm sure you're wondering what this has to do with Christmas?

Well, moreover it reflects society as a whole, but during this season especially. People always want to see smiling faces, you are expected to be chirpy and chipper at all times, and heaven forbid you have problems or rock the boat in any way. There is a commonly trotted out phrase (and is actually incorrect) that more suicides happen around Christmas than any other time of year.

"Tis the Season to be jolly" states the rhyme, and that's just what it is to many people, yet what about those who aren't, or cannot, be happy at these times? Have you ever been in a situation where you needed to pretend to be happy, when inside you are miserable and just want to escape? That is a real problem with Christmas, it's inescapable and in fear of ruining it for others, many attempt a brave face for the sake of others, and some of us just crack under it...

Also, the whole season has some brilliantly devised rhetoric shields, called Grinch and Scrooge. Have any complaint or criticisms around this time? it can all be waved away with an insult comparing you to a fictional asshole who will come around in the end, real nice!

4. That religious angle

Oh boy, this one could get messy. First off, Christians, I am sorry the mainstream has stolen your holiday, and I wish you could take it back, but that's not happening, it's institutionalised beyond any chance of regress.

That said, whenever I hear the "put the Christ back into Christmas" platitude, I can't help but laugh. Sorry guys, it hardly left. Carols are still played on the radio all the time, all the primary schools do their nativity plays, the stars are on the trees and every church will hold mass. I understand it's not the primary focus anymore, but the influence is definitely still there.

That said, it's part of the problem. Remember the discussions of allowing Same Sex Marriage? What were the arguments against legalising it? they were always from a religious perspective, claiming that it was a divinely inspired ceremony anointed by Capital-G-God, rather than a legal contract between couples. Personally, I would have been fine divorcing (hur hur) the concept of marriage from government altogether, making it strictly a religious procedure, and having civil partnerships be the universal government contract, but that wasn't going to happen.

Dear Lizzie, Have a stonking new year, yours, Philly xxx

The same can be said about the winter holiday. For years now, I've attempted to celebrate Humanlight, a secular winter holiday on 23rd December, but surrounded by Christmas celebrating family, it never gets any attention, the whole holiday drowns out any non-religious counterpart. Can one really imagine the Queen giving a Humanlight speech, while Christmas being confined to churches and religious households, like any other winter holiday?

So what baggage does Christianity bring with it? Well, 66 books of text of primitive desert dwelling culture, and has been used for many different kinds of disgusting behaviours. A fair look at the bible will find happy platitudes, but they are the great minority, it's a disgusting set of stories. One particular necessity proposed throughout is that of "faith", belief without evidence or reason.

Yes, just like Santa Claus!

5. Those songs

Small extra point, those songs are awful. Please radios and stores, stop playing them.

Well, that's a quick list of reasons I can't celebrate Christmas, not all of them, but a quick introduction. Again, if you celebrate and enjoy the season, then by all means, please do so, this isn't me trying to say you shouldn't or can't. All I want is a little understanding and to be left alone during, that's all :)

And possibly consider my points :p